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About Gretchen Roe

Gretchen Roe educated her children at home for 21 years. With a degree in child development, she laughingly says it was not necessarily helpful for raising her own six children. She owned her own business for 15 years, as well as being involved in several nonprofit boards. She has spent the last 10 years in positions of homeschool advocacy and comes to Demme Learning as a Consultative Sales Representative. She loves the outdoors, all things furry, and is in the process of learning farming and beekeeping skills.

Make Word Problems Fun [Video]

Make word problems fun with these tips from Gretchen.

I really love doing Facebook LIVE presentations. I particularly enjoy it when I have the opportunity to talk about something that strikes a chord with homeschool parents. We did a Facebook LIVE video talking about working with students and mathematical word problems. It was like touching that third electrified rail in so far as how people feel about word problems! It would be fair to divide us into two groups:

1) Those who find word problems to be fascinating puzzles.
2) The rest of us, who really do not have an affection for word problems.

In the interest of true confession, I have never been a particular fan of mathematics. You can assign me the task of diagraming sentences all day long. In my opinion, word problems can be sometimes inscrutable.

Steve Demme (the author of Math-U-See) said to me once, “Well, Gretchen, you know when you solve math problems as an adult, they ARE word problems.” Point taken. While I would not say I love word problems to this day, I no longer have an adversarial relationship with them. One of the things I’ve always loved about Math-U-See is taking the sting out of word problems by making them a part of the daily lessons. What, however, do you do if you did not start your mathematical journey with Math-U-See?

We as parents have to be able to model for our children how to meet the challenge of word problems head on, and toward that end I want to share with you some of the tips that were shared in the Facebook LIVE video. I also have some things to say about math anxiety in adults.

You can also watch the video below, if you prefer.

Below you will find several tips to implement when working with word problems with your children. These tips are applicable, regardless of the age of your student, their mathematical experience, or even the level of Math-U-See in which they are working. As always, I am indebted to our tremendous customer service team. They are the contributors of much of my list here. You do know, of course, that being a member of the Demme Learning family means that you can call our team and ask for help if you are having a struggle. We want your success!

10 Ways to Make Word Problems Fun

1) Start With Fresh Eyes

If you are just completing a math lesson, and have already been at it for 15-20 minutes, take a break before you begin the word problems. Stand up and do some jumping jacks, have a snack, take a break. Then sit back down to the word problems.

2) Read the Word Problem All the Way Through First

Read the word problem all the way through first; don’t worry about the numbers in the word problem. Then ask yourself and your student, “do we understand what it’s all about”? Are there any new terms we are unsure of here? Are there words we don’t know?

3) Reread the Word Problem Again

Reread the word problem again; out loud is best. I know that reading out loud seems silly, but it is tremendously helpful.

4) Skip the Numbers

Sometimes in the reading out loud is it helpful to just skip the numbers altogether. Instead of reading the number, add some humor by saying “BEEP” instead of the number. Humor really DOES help learning! You can change the names of the people in the word problems to your children, their friends, or even their favorite super hero.

5) Circle Keywords

Are there keywords you can circle? “Sum”, “in all” and “all together” usually mean addition. “How many are left/remaining”, or “What is the difference” usually means subtraction. The word of is an important one as in “1/4 of 12” or “5/10 of a dollar” means you are being instructed to multiply. There are other key math words that may help you analyze a word problem – but be careful.

Depending on key words alone does not encourage students to think mathematically about a problem or use logic to reason toward a solution. Sometimes key words do not appear in problems, or additional operations may be required to find the final answer Encourage them to take the whole of the word problem in context. Make sure you both understand what the problem is asking before seeking out those individual words.

6) Rewrite the Word Problem

If word problems cause anxiety in your child, help them become the drafter of word problems. For example: 12-7= ? That is the computation. Have your student create a situation to accompany those numbers. Developing a proficiency in creating word problems really helps students develop confidence in analyzing them.

7) Word Problem Writers Are Sneaky

Remind your student that those who write word problems are a sneaky lot. They will put in information that is not necessary just to throw a student off track. If irrelevant information is a challenge for your student, try creating some word problems that contain unnecessary information. Help them become proficient in knowing what is not necessary – that is a life skill in and of itself!

8) Consult the Instruction Manual

If there is a lesson in the Math-U-See curriculum that is giving you a particular challenge, make very sure you have consulted the corresponding lesson pages in the instruction manual. We always provide instruction for the how as well as the why, and often, if a family is challenged with a lesson, we find that the answers they seek can be found in the lesson manual pages.

9) Review the Questions

Word problems need to be answered in words too. Make sure that you have answered the question in words. Further, does your answer make mathematical sense? Can you plug your answer back into the word problem and work it out to to see that it is indeed correct? Remember this step. This leads to frustration for a student who has worked hard, and perhaps not found the right answer.

10) Relax

Just like any skill, learning to negotiate word problems is something that happens over time. You are not going to be an overnight success (most of the time). But if you, as the parent, can stay affirmative and encouraging, you can make a tremendous difference for your student.

In conclusion, I realize that this blog post is long. The information will be helpful to you. If you still want more, we offer more help with word problems on our parent resource page:

Word Problem Tips [PDF]

We do need to have a conversation about what our math anxiety does to our children. Look for that blog post to come in the near future. We want you and your student to have success in all your mathematical endeavors!

Free Math Facts Music & Activities

Songs, music, and rhyme are all helpful tools to aid students with math facts. Download some math songs to sing while you’re outside! There are also activities for when the weather doesn’t lend itself to outside math.

To access your free math facts practice tools, please provide the following information.

Download free songs, activities, coloring pages, and more to help your students learn math facts!

How Parents Can Sneak Math Into Their Day [6 Tips]

Let me share some tricks that will help you incorporate mathematical facts into your day that don’t seem “mathy”.

My Relationship with Math

I know you will find it hard to believe that I am about to celebrate my fourth year of working for Demme Learning and I have still not fallen in love with mathematics. True statement. To this day I would still prefer to diagram a sentence than work on mathematics problems.

What I can say with total honesty is that I no longer have an adversarial relationship with math. I don’t hate it anymore. Since this rather sour attitude has colored most of my life, I knew I wanted something different for my children. Is that not a succinct definition of parenting – we want our children’s education to be better than ours?

How Can We Make Math Better for Our Kids?

How do you make mathematics part of your children’s lives without torturing them? I have the t-shirt for mathematical torture. I have driven my kids totally bananas with flash cards. I have been “that mom” who rolls her eyes in exasperation at the child struggling with math facts.

I can also honestly say that I have repented. It took me a number of years to realize that in the presence of stress, no one learns much of anything. Being on the receiving end of mom’s exasperation with your mathematical performance was surely a stress inducement for my children!

I do have to say that over the years I have become wiser, so if hindsight is 20/20, let me share some tricks that will help you incorporate mathematical facts into your day that don’t seem “mathy”.

Sneak Math Into Your Day With These Tips

1) Practice Math Facts On the Road

This is my favorite way to sneak math into my day.

Until my 12 year old was at least 10, he honestly thought that traffic signals were called “math lights”.

When we were stopped at a traffic signal, it was fair game for me to ask anyone in the car math facts – as long as the signal was red. It also prevented my kids from seeing my oh-so-expressive face if they failed to answer properly. (Mom’s exasperated expression problem? Solved!) The value here is small increments and mathematical thinking. My 18-year-old’s best friend still fondly remembers my doing this.

2) Do Math Before Something Fun

Here’s another “sneaker”.

As a your child gets ready to do something fun, perhaps outside, stop them and say, “Before you go, give me three math facts,” and ask them “What’s 2 + 3; What’s 5 + 9?; What’s 17-8?” Right or wrong, three and you’re free!

3) Involve Your Children When Spending Money

As my children got older, I would take them in to pick up pizza. Whatever the price of the pickup, I would say to the children as I handed over money, “If you can tell me the change the clerk is going to return to me before he gives it to me, then I will let you have the change.”

For example, let’s say the total was $16.80 and I handed the clerk a $20 bill. If the child accompanying me could tell me the change was $3.20 before the clerk handed it to me, they could keep it. Some of you may say that is bribery – call it what you want, I would prefer to refer to it as “motivation”.

4) Use Shopping Trips to Practice Math

How about this one: Shopping with a teenager and there is a 20% off sale on the jeans they want to purchase – “Tell me what the discount is before we get to the checkout and I will give you the 20%.”

5) Have Your Children Plan the Grocery Bill

Another way that we accomplished sneaky math with my teenagers was to have each of them be responsible for a portion of the grocery bill. This takes a little planning and coordination, but you would be surprised at the motivation a child has if they know they get to keep the savings they produce.

I would divide the grocery list into four parts. (The trick to this one is that I have to know what the divided parts are going to cost.) I would send a teenager, with cash and the list, to each part of the store to procure their portion of the list. They would go through the checkout on their own, with the cash I had given them. If they spent less than the “budget” I gave them, they were entitled to keep the change. If they went over, I would pay the difference, but they had no “reward” for their time.

6) Do Math When You Eat Out

For years we have played “guess the total” in restaurants. What purpose would that serve you say? Several mathematical purposes actually – it makes your children pay attention to the price of items on the menu.

It also provides an opportunity for them to apply estimation and rounding skills. Further, it gives them the opportunity to learn how to calculate a tip. My father-in-law, despite being an accomplished mechanical engineer never mastered the mystery of calculating a tip and he truly thought it was magical that his grandkids could calculate a tip in their heads.

Why Do We Try to Sneak Math In?

Why would you do all of this with your children?

Well I will tell you for sure – I could do NONE of this when I started homeschooling – but I knew I was weak mathematically and I was determined to create something different for my kids.

Where is the reward in all that hard work? My eldest daughter got a $53,000 SBA loan at the ripe old age of 19 and bought a coffee shop. You know what? She would only hire kids who could calculate change in their heads if the cash register failed them. My eldest son started his own business as a college student and paid his way through college. My “sneakiness” paid off in a myriad of ways.

My prayer for you is that you will be sneaky too.

Get More Tips By Watching Our Free Webinar

We want to share some more tips with you to help make math relatable, useful, and fun for even your most reluctant math student.

Watch the free webinar here.

Finding Homeschool Support Online

There is plenty of homeschool support in the online world, from Facebook groups to Pinterest.

Making the decision to homeschool can be one of the easiest — and most difficult — decisions ever! It’s the only job where people judge the totality of your results by one child’s behavior on any given day. I often say it’s the toughest job you’ll ever love. Today I want to speak a little bit about finding support, because support is as essential as oxygen in a homeschooler’s life.

No matter what camp your family falls into, you, as the primary instructor, need to find a circle of encouragement, whether it’s your best friend, your spouse, or your homeschool group. For each of us, encouragement is different.

I remember the friend who called one day when it was NOT going well, and I was trying valiantly to remain patient, keep my wits about me, and manage to get a semblance of instruction done in a day that included both a vomiting newborn and dog, two fighting siblings, a broken washer and burned pancakes for breakfast. By 10 AM, I was d.o.n.e.

Within 30 minutes of my phone call, there was a pointed bing-bong, bing-bong, on my door. I confess to thinking I was going to break the neck of the person who rang that bell! I went to the door, opened it, and there, in the wreath on my door, were three candy bars and a note that said, “One for now, because you need it, one for later, because you WILL need it, and one for the future, because you need to know it will be there for you.” Yes, that dear friend was amazing, and in that small gesture, gave me the encouragement I needed to stay in the fight that day.

But where do you go to find information if you have not yet constructed a circle of support? There is plenty of support in the online world. Facebook groups and forums are tremendous. A Google search for local homeschool groups may find you someone right next door, as it did for a North Carolina friend of mine.

In the years I was homeschooling I enjoyed a particular podcast called The Sociable Homeschooler. My friend, Vivienne McNeny, is no longer producing live episodes, but I know you can still find archived editions of the show. Look for a podcast that speaks to you, because there are many.

I have a wealth of young homeschool moms who tell me that Instagram and Pinterest have given them great encouragement and wonderful ideas. Depending on how intrepid, or crazy you want to be, there are close to 800,000 references to homeschooling on YouTube.

Is everything you find good, or correct? Yes and no – the true answer lies in what YOU want for your family. While seeking those pieces of encouragement, I would ask myself several questions: Why am I going to homeschool? What are my goals for homeschooling my children? Where do I see them – and myself – in a year, in five years? What kinds of character attributes do I want to create for my children? What do you see our lives looking like. As crazy as it sounds, setting some goals on paper for your family’s homeschooling experiences will benefit you in so many ways. You can refer to them on the tough days, and celebrate them as you accomplish them.

This, I believe, is the best time to homeschool ever! There are so many resources wait at the end of your fingertips on your smartphone, tablet, or computer! Find support today – because you need it, if not today, sometime in the near future. You may not yet know where to turn, so we’ve created a list that may help. These are going to be the candy bars in your pocket when you need them.

Find online homeschool support with these helpful resources provided by Demme Learning.

Learn about homeschooling in this blog series.

Does Spelling You See Help Students with Dyslexia?

If your child does indeed have a dyslexic’s challenge, then Spelling You See can be of tremendous help.

With increasing frequency I now speak with families who have children who they believe have dyslexia. I want to take the bull by the horns here and say that if I were the parent, and I am that parent, I would be very careful about ruling out all the other possible causes of reading challenges before assuming dyslexia.

What might those challenges be you ask? There are a whole host of causes, from fluid on the ears, to developmental challenges to visual processing issues; more on that in a minute. Dyslexia should be your last stop.

I have a dyslexic child – now a young man. The road to his adulthood was a long and winding one – and he did ultimately HAVE dyslexia, but there were many other mitigating factors in his diagnosis. If wisdom is someone else’s experience, then this blog post will be full of that. To the parents of a diagnosed dyslexic child, I understand your frustration and your struggle, and let me say it is worth it. My son graduated high school, with honors, in June.

What is Dyslexia?

Dyslexia refers to a specific developmental disability that alters the way the brain processes written material. It is a neurologically based language disorder that manifests itself in the way children hear individual sounds in words.

Please read what I am about to say – very carefully and thoroughly – a child who is flipping letters when writing or reading is far more likely to have a visual alignment challenge (eye-tracking) with their eyes – which must be resolved successfully before a child can become a successful reader. Even if your child’s diagnosis is ultimately dyslexia, unless you resolve the eye-tracking issues, you will still have a challenge learning to read!

Think of it this way. What if I took you and dropped you into a foreign environment where everything looked weirdly out of sync? Suppose that everything in that place had a slight wiggle or tremble to it. You were the only one who saw the wiggle or tremble. You don’t understand that it is out of sync – you don’t even know what kind of questions to ask about things not “looking right”. If everyone around you is still saying all is “normal”, then you begin to doubt yourself. Kids with eye-tracking issues get frustrated, angry and sometimes just shut down.

Right now, before you go any further into this blog post, if you suspect your child has dyslexia, go to this website and read their diagnostic checklist: www.covd.org. This checklist has the questions you need to ask first, before you suspect a diagnosis of dyslexia. I do not have enough emphasis to put into words how important it is to rule vision out as a causal factor.

Spelling You See and Dyslexia

If your child does indeed have a dyslexic’s challenge, then Spelling You See can be of tremendous help. Dyslexics have a greater challenge in development of a visual memory. Using the design of Spelling You See, with its emphasis on fluency (doing the same thing repeatedly), copywork and word-by-word dictation can help a dyslexic student develop the visual cues necessary to be a successful speller. The clean organization of the pages, with only two lines of guidance for copywork, further reduces the visual “noise” with which dyslexics struggle. In the younger years, the letter-box component of Spelling You See helps to isolate those individual letter sounds and gives a child a chance to focus on that sound-to-letter correspondence that is so critical to launching their reading experiences well.

Dyslexia is a diagnosis, not a sentence. You can help your child feel successful, despite the limitations it appears to present. However, please know that it is essential that you not make assumptions about their abilities. Spend the time and money to assure yourself that your diagnosis is accurate. The investment you make now, in your child’s future, will yield dividends for generations to come. Don’t discount your child. Rather, educate yourself and help your child succeed!

Spelling You See Sample Lessons

Are you interested in learning more about how Spelling You See can help your student?

Download free sample lessons here.


Are the Math-U-See Videos Necessary?

In short, the Math-U-See videos are essential; they create understanding and model for you where each lesson will take you.

The Math-U-See program provides videos for instruction. For whom are they created? It may not be who you think; parents often mistake the videos as simply instruction for their children and sometimes make a critical mistake of just sitting their children in front of the videos and not gaining the full benefit of using them for themselves.

When Steve Demme developed Math-U-See, his intent was to make video instruction for the parents. He teaches in front of a class of students and has an amazing ability to speak to children without speaking down to them. He chose this format so that he could model for parents how to instruct with Math-U-See.

I will always be indebted to him for being the coach for my children. “Mr. Steve said” is a frequent refrain in my house. He has been the favored prophet in “Mathland” for my children when they no longer wanted me. I have always kept in mind that his videos were designed for ME – to know how to use the manipulatives to teach my children.

Steve’s original intent was to create video instruction so that parents would have an understanding of how to teach mathematics to their children. He is modeling for YOU how to teach mathematics. He has taken his instruction and written it in such a way to give you an “edible portion” of instruction for you to understand. The video instruction are there so that you have a full understanding of what your child is learning. This means that once they have practiced with a concept and internalized it, they can show you what they know.

Do you need the video instruction? If you are making the investment of a Math-U-See experience, then the videos are essential. The videos create understanding and model for you, the parent, where each lesson will take you.

Math-U-See is an investment in the future of your child. Make that investment work to its fullest by using the program as it is designed. If you have been guilty of just having your child watch the instruction and not participating alongside him, I want you not to feel guilty. Make a new decision to use the videos to gain a deeper understanding of what your child is learning. You will both benefit tremendously.

Learn more about Math-U-See with our demonstration video.

You Don’t Need to Be a Math Expert to Teach Math to Your Children

Who is a “math expert?” Certainly not me. At best, I have an adversarial relationship with math.

Who is a “math expert?” Certainly not me. At best, I have an adversarial relationship with math. At worst, I have been known to cry – the ugly cry; the snotty, tearful, “I HATE THIS STUFF” cry that comes from the soul. How on earth does someone who feels the way I do about math teach their child successfully?

I became a homeschool parent specifically because I had this love-hate relationship with math – I loved hating it. If there is one universal truth that defines parenthood, I think it is the desire to want more for your children than you had yourself. I did not want my children to have to make life or career choices based on their lack of understanding about math.

The first time I saw Math-U-See, I looked at the clean black and white pages and the “short” (25 problems or fewer lessons) and judged it to be “not rigorous enough.” In the intervening 15 years, I have come to realize that we make a huge, mistaken assumption that “rigor” means more – more problems equals a more rigorous curriculum. Thankfully, my exposure to Math-U-See has expunged that mistaken belief from me, and I now understand that more is just that. Math-U-See’s lessons are developmentally appropriate in length, and teach a skill set that I find lacking in other materials.

I am the antithesis of a “math expert,” but Math-U-See has given me the confidence to instruct my children and the ability to learn right beside them. I knew being weak in computational facts made my mathematical experiences more difficult. In short, I knew that having to skip count a multiplication answer, or count on my fingers to get to an addition answer, made everything else more difficult. Math-U-See, with its emphasis on mastery and computational fact understanding as the solid foundation to mathematical learning, helped me see that the root of my math phobia lay in not knowing those facts. The good news is that age is not a factor in learning the basic facts; and Math-U-See, with its integer blocks as the central point of instruction, gives any learner an ability to commit those facts to memory.

As my math knowledge grew, I understood how important understanding operations with fractions was to upper-level math understanding. Twenty years after my sweaty-palms experience of high school algebra, I realized that algebra was difficult because I did not understand fractions thoroughly. Math-U-See’s fraction overlay manipulatives were the key to changing my understanding, and I realize in retrospect that had I had Math-U-See as a middle school student, high school math would not have been the scary proposition it was! I would have been able to make different choices in college. My math phobia would not have stalked me into adulthood!

Math-U-See empowers parents. It gives them the ability to learn alongside their children. It helps them gain greater understanding of how math works; it is no longer a mystical puzzle. You do not have to be a confident mathematician to be a successfully teach math to your children. You CAN be a changed parent who no longer dreads teaching mathematics by using Math-U-See’s tried and true principles. This is a very different way to teach mathematics. It will be as much an encouragement to a math-phobic parent as it is to a student. I will be forever grateful to the family friend who heard of our pre-algebra struggles and brought Math-U-See to my house and plopped it on my kitchen table. I had told her I could not help my daughter, who was having daily meltdowns. She said “Math-U-See is the answer.” How very right she was! I will never put the words “math” and “fun” in the same sentence. The understanding I have gained, and the abilities I have been able to see in my children, have been enormous. Math-U-See makes teaching math to your children possible; experts need not apply.

Get a free consultation from a Math-U-See expert.

How to Switch to Spelling You See

When I was asked to write a blog post on how to switch to Spelling You See, my first thought was “as fast as possible, and don’t look back!” Laughingly, I realize that my impulse to make that statement might lead you astray. Let me give you a more thorough answer about HOW, in the context of WHY.

When I was asked to write a blog post on how to switch to Spelling You See, my first thought was “as fast as possible, and don’t look back!”

I am a veteran homeschool mom, with four children who graduated high school under my supervision. Those children all have degrees of one sort or another and have done well for themselves. Two of them are stellar spellers, and two are still hesitant to spell without assistance from a good proofreader. (Note I said proofreader, because spell check is not all it is cracked up to be. It does not check for context, for homonyms, or for syntax errors. It only looks for proper letter patterns, so spell check will not catch your mistake of writing to when you meant two.) I have asked myself for years how I managed to instruct four children the same way and have two entirely different outcomes.

With the advent of Spelling You See, I finally learned that the differences between my children were borne of the fact that half of them had cultivated a visual memory for commonly spelled words and half of them did not. I did not realize that I had a visual memory for spelling until I understood the research that underlies Spelling You See.

Now to the point of my blog post – how do you transition from another program to Spelling You See? First and foremost – READ THE HANDBOOK. I cannot stress this enough, especially if you are a veteran homeschool parent. You will think you know how to implement the Spelling You See process, but I assure you that you will NOT get the best advantage out of the program unless you do it as it has been designed.

And a further word on that design – do not add to the program or shortcut the program. Don’t add a “challenge word test in the middle of the week”. That introduces stress and negates the process of building visual memory. Don’t assume you don’t have to read the passages out loud to your child – daily – because that reading, exactly as they are written, is a vital component in success. In short, don’t start the program unless you are willing to set aside your preconceptions about how to teach spelling and embrace a new way of spelling instruction.

I would encourage you to promote the fact that you will no longer have spelling tests and that you will no longer be putting the emphasis of the misspellings. What you are going to be doing instead is setting out on a program that has instruction in positive context – you are going to find what your child is doing right and encourage him or her to do more of it.

Once you have carefully read the handbook associated with the level you have selected, then I encourage you to make a celebration of the fact that you will no longer be “testing on spelling”. Believe me, that attitudinal change alone will encourage your child tremendously. Know that once you truly understand how the Spelling You See program is organized and implemented, there will be no further preparation on your part except to implement the steps of the program daily with your student. That attitudinal change on YOUR part will be a bonus. I promise it will be a win-win for you both!

Get a free consultation from a Spelling You See expert.

Transitioning from Public School to Homeschool

Are you switching to homeschooling from a public school? Having a plan and knowing what you want are crucial.

Are you switching to homeschooling from a public school? Having a plan and knowing what you want are crucial.

Dear Parent:

You‘ve decided to homeschool. Perhaps this is a decision you have struggled with for years, or perhaps it is based on a “last straw” event in your family’s current academic situation. Truthfully, how you got here doesn’t really matter. The question you need to ask is “Now what?” Where do you go to find resources, answers, encouragement?

That path is different for every homeschool parent. There is a tremendous spirit of collaboration in the homeschool community. We ARE the rising tide that raises all ships. We want our peers to succeed because, when we succeed, we create community and success for us all.

The laws are different for each state. Googling “how to homeschool in ___ state” gives you a wealth of resources. You can also Google local homeschool groups and cooperatives. Most organizations have someone who serves in the capacity of helping newbies get off the ground. I have found great resources with the Homeschool Legal Defense Association. Their wisdom and encouragement has been tremendous in our two decades of home education. Most importantly, do comply with your state’s laws regarding your homeschool launch.

Take a dispassionate look at what you want out of homeschooling. This is different for each one of us, but, as a homeschool mentor of mine used to quote, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” I hear new families say they know solidly what they DON’T want, but have not thought about what they DO want. Have a conversation, as a couple, as a family, about what you want school to be like and what your goals are. You may not have all the answers, and they’ll change over time, but, above all, get in the habit of having the discussion. Remember, this is YOUR homeschool – not your mother’s, not your neighbor’s, so decide what you want.

Recognize that your parental role is going to change; it will take time for your children to understand and acknowledge that. I have often said, “I am speaking as your instructor here, NOT your mother,” and vice versa. What is important is to know that you have habits from public school, and you will have to shed those habits and form new ones. It may take as long as a year before you have established those new habits. Be kind to yourself and your kids in the transition.

Use a calendar and plan the remainder of your academic year. Set a date by which you intend to complete your academics. You may miss it by a week or two, but I assure you, NOT setting it will prolong your school year indefinitely. For more on that subject, I encourage you to read this post on homeschool basics.

Find yourself a cheerleader. This is not always a family member. For several years I had encouraging friends who helped me stay encouraged. It took a long time for my family to understand that what we were doing had merit AND was worthwhile. Keep your expectations of your extended family low. They will come around, but it may take some time.

After 20+ years of home educating, I can honestly say many of the things we did were not wholly necessary, yet I have successfully graduated four homeschoolers who have gone on to college. What is necessary, you ask? In my opinion, math, spelling, writing, and reading. Everything else is an outgrowth of those subjects.

This year we have sixth- and twelfth-grade sons who are in public schools. Life is about change.

Homeschooling is as much a mindset as anything else. You have chosen a different path, and the final goal should be to raise a competent, independent adult. Your path will not be the same as your neighbor’s or your friend’s. It will be YOUR path, and I wish you the joy of the journey.

Learn about homeschooling in this blog series.

Are You Helping or Enabling Your Child?

What is the difference between helping your child in their studies and enabling that same child?

What is the difference between helping your child in their studies and enabling that same child?

Sometimes, however, we do things inadvertently that have far-reaching effects on our children. I know and understand a mother’s heart. We want to protect, love, and nurture our children, but what happens when that desire to protect becomes a hindrance in their progress toward adulthood? Today I would like to talk about a specific instance where the best of intentions can yield the worst of results.

I think the hardest thing for a mother to do is to set an obligation (in the adult world, we call this a deadline) and then force a child to stick to it. Even more difficult is to have consequences that are negative if the obligation is missed. My children have complained, loudly and enthusiastically at times, when they have endured the consequences of missing a deadline. It has not been pretty.

Let me put forth a scenario with which perhaps you will identify. I have made a request of my 11-year-old son to write a three-page essay on a historical figure. First, I am careful to think about the parameters of the essay before assigning him the task. As a colleague of mine says, I want to “set him up for success”. This means I have thought about what is age-appropriate—in this case, he has experience with writing a three-page paper. I am careful to provide coaching in the process, being available to answer questions, guide him in the process, and, most importantly, encourage him. What I do not do is do it for him.

What would that careful coaching look like? We’d talk about the paper topic, and I would ask him to put some ideas down on paper. At first they would just be rough notes. Then I would ask him to think through what he would like to say. I would even have him record his thoughts so that he can just think about what he wants to say, instead of having to think of the mechanics of writing, grammar, spelling, and punctuation. I may even go so far as to let him dictate his thoughts to me so that we could get them on paper. The writing, however, will be his, and the construction of the draft will be his. Most importantly, the final product will be his.

I have also found it beneficial for us to talk about “how long do you think this task will take you?” Learning how long a task takes and managing the time in that task is a very adult skill. I don’t want to throw him into the deep end of the pond, so I am willing to negotiate on the time investment. However, once we have settled on the time frame, then the task completion is his. I am not going to chase him and remind him, nor will I extend the deadline. There will be consequences if the deadline is missed.

If I help him finish the assignment, or if I change the deadline because he has not stuck to the task, I have taught him a lesson – the lesson is that there are no consequences. That is enabling him, which is the opposite of setting him up for success.

What happens if he misses the deadline? At one time or another all of my children have missed out – on a fun outing, a sporting event, even once a birthday party of their own design. I wanted them to know that their actions would have consequences, and I sincerely believed that learning to manage the tasks set before them was part of teaching them to be responsible for themselves. Is it fun? Not by a long shot.

I apply these same kinds of consequences to daily lessons. For instance, when I ask my 11-year-old to complete a math lesson, I have that same conversation about how long does HE think it will take him to complete it. Once we have discussed that, then we will write the starting time on his paper (just so we both remain accountable to the time). I know that his math lessons are developmentally appropriate in terms of how long they should take. Once he has begun a lesson, I will check with him periodically. I too must be accountable to him in that I cannot wander off or become so engaged in another pursuit that I don’t check in with him. The ubiquitous presence of technology today makes this task for me even hard. (No phones during the school day for me!) Does that mean I will sit with him for every step of the lesson? Not at eleven years old – but also bear in mind I have modeled my expectations for him from the very beginning of our time together. Also, I have the expectation that at the age of eleven he can be responsible for himself for a math lesson – as long as he knows I am still present if he needs me. What if he doesn’t complete the assignment in the agreed-upon amount of time? Then we will move on to something else, and he will have to complete it in his free time.

I talk to moms all the time who say their school days last 8, 9, even 10 hours. That sounds awful to me. I want to be here for my children, but if all we do is school, then school becomes miserable.

This is not an easy path to walk. I have to model setting and completing deadlines in my life so that my children see I am accountable, too. Is it worth it? It is a delicate balance of sorting between what is helping and what is enabling. You will find that you will ask yourself often where the line is in a given situation. It will be worth it.

I had the pleasure of spending some time with my 24-year-old daughter this past week. She was one of the most experienced “receivers” of my hard line when it comes to deadlines. This is HER perspective of what that was like:

“I thought you were the worst! It made me SO angry when you would hold me accountable for assignment deadlines. I missed a lot of them – and always found a way to blame you. It was not until I got to my first semester of college that I finally realized your hard line was just what I needed. I could finally see that you were creating an environment that would make it possible for me to be successful on my own.”

I asked her if she had any advice from the perspective of being a child who endured a parent’s hard line, and she smiled and said, “Your kids are going to hate you for it when they are young, but there WILL come a point in time when they say, sincerely, ‘Thank you’. You just have to be willing to patiently wait for it.”

How do we set our children up for success no matter the circumstances?

Handwriting Practices for Struggling Writers

How should we teach our kids handwriting in the digital age? We cover this and more in this blog post.

How should we teach our kids handwriting in the digital age?

It becomes ever more difficult to make a case for good handwriting because there are many more ways we can communicate in the digital age.

In fact, many more educational institutions, with few exceptions, are asking the question, “Is legible handwriting even necessary?” (Source; page 2) Why should responsible homeschooling parents endeavor to wrestle with the beast of handwriting when institutions are saying, “Just keyboard”?

What are the issues concerning good handwriting instruction, what kinds of concerns should parents consider when addressing handwriting with their children, and most importantly, what is a plan of good handwriting instruction?

Dr. Karen Holinga

I am indebted to Dr. Karen Holinga for the information I am going to share with you today. Dr. Holinga is a reading specialist with a doctorate from The Ohio State University in Developmental Reading, Curriculum, and Professional Development. She is Reading Recovery trained and is currently in practice as The Reading Doctor, Inc. where she works full-time tutoring children with reading problems and counseling homeschool families in curriculum options; Dr. Holinga does hundreds of student assessments each year. Given that she homeschooled her own children, she has a thorough understanding of what it means to be a homeschool mom in the trenches, trying to create competencies in our children.

Dr. Karen Holinga talks about Spelling You See to a customer at a homeschool convention. src=

in 2014, I had the privilege of hearing Dr. Holinga speak on the subject of handwriting at the Florida Parent Educators’ Association Special Needs Conference, and the room was packed; I am not alone in wondering why this can be such a complex and difficult issue to address with our children. According to Dr. Holinga, “Labored handwriting creates a drain on mental resources. Without automatic handwriting, the system for learning shuts down.”

Handwriting: Why Do We Teach It?

According to Dr. Holinga, research shows that incorporating ten minutes a day of handwriting copywork can double the increases in reading levels. And the research further indicates that 10-30% of children will struggle with handwriting at some point in their development.

Why would it make a difference to write, as opposed to using a keyboard? In the October issue of Reader’s Digest, Fred Barbash wrote of a study investigating whether taking notes by hand was more valuable than taking notes on a computer, saying:

All students received the same lectures, but some used laptops, and others took notes by hand. When it came to learning the concepts, the handwriters won. When it came to retrieving facts, the groups were comparable, except when given time to go home and look at their notes, at which point the handwriters did even better.” (Barbash, Fred. “Want to Learn? Lose the laptop.” Reader’s Digest October, 2014: pgs. 44-45)

According to Dr. Holinga, the act of handwriting serves us in a variety of ways, to include enhancing our comprehension and memory, “lighting up” memory centers of our brain, and is a predictor of academic success.

We can misunderstand legitimate handwriting struggles and think they show laziness or carelessness. We can unknowingly create more of an issue by making handwriting a daily struggle. There are strategies to help our children create those competencies, without enabling them.

3 Ways to Help Struggling Writers

1. Giving them permission to speak their composition assignments into a recording device. This removes the pressure of having to remember the idea while attempting to put that idea on paper.

2. Allow them to keyboard their thoughts, with the intention that their final product will be produced by hand. The keyboard draft is exactly that – no emphasis on capitalization or punctuation – the goal is only to capture their thoughts.

3. You be their scribe – allow them to dictate to you. The difficult part in this enterprise is not to engage in editing while they are thinking. Let them talk through their ideas. Editing is for later.

Their final draft should be their own, in their own handwriting.

Neurologically, Dr. Holinga reminds us that handwriting orders the brain and thinking processes. It helps our children focus their thoughts. This is a discipline that has to be practiced to be gained. In fact, in the process of creating muscle memory for the written word, a child may need to engage in literally hours of practice.

My Taekwondo instructor used to say that we would have to practice a single move up to 2,500 times to make it part of our “muscle memory.” As a parent, don’t do your children an injustice by giving in too soon. Winning the war may just be over the next hill.

But how do I know this is a mountain worth trying to win? What is enough struggle and what is too much? There are things you can do to ameliorate the struggle.

8 Ways to Help Develop Good Writing Skills

Hand Dominance

If your children have not chosen a hand by school age, assist them in choosing one. This may mean observing them carefully and watching things like, which hand do they choose to throw a ball with, or hit with a bat, or which eye do they cover in the bright sun – the hand they use most, when they are not thinking about it, is the hand that is likely dominant.

Pencil Grips

Find pencil grips that work for you; there are many out there. A pencil grip is designed to help foster a proper pencil grasp, and is a little piece of rubber or plastic that slides onto the pencil. This is trial and error, but worth the effort.

Letter Formations

Help them create consistent formation of letters – Dr. Holinga says that letters constructed from the top down are less neurological work than bottom up, but some children are “builders” and may tend to form letters from the bottom to the top. Help your children create handwriting with as much single-stroke letter formation as possible. The research tells us that consistent letter formation is the key – don’t fret if you have a “bottom to top” kind of kid. As long as they do it consistently, you are on the right track.

Similar Letters

Teach similar letters together (r,m,b,h). These should be single-stroke letters.

Reversible Letters

Separate reversible letters like b and d – teaching them at the same time can cause letter “confusion.”

Handwriting/Sound Integration

When you write the letter b, say the “buh” sound. Any time you can incorporate a multi-sensory approach to handwriting, you increase the ability for the child to master it.

Use Whole Arm Movements

Practice letter writing with whole arm movements – the smaller letter formation will evolve. Use dry erase boards for practice. They can write as large as they want, and eventually the letters will become consistently smaller and more uniform.

Good Posture

Encourage good posture and good tripod pencil grip.

Remember, doing just ten minutes a day of copywork has been proven to improve handwriting significantly. But bear this important principle in mind – copywork must be done in PRINT, because we read in print. If you want to work on cursive handwriting, use the previous week’s copywork. This way the passage is familiar and children can focus on letter formation. ALWAYS start with print. Cursive is important and faster and easier for note taking and study, but if you have to choose one, choose print. And remember, spelling words should ALWAYS be studied in PRINT.

Do not engage in a handwriting enterprise while a child is in the process of forming their thoughts, as in the draft of a composition. Neurologically, it is too difficult for a child to focus successfully on both the act of letter formation AND the creativity required for composing their thoughts.

Above all, remember to PRAISE THE EFFORT. You might not be seeing progress, but praise and encouragement build emotional confidence in your child, and eventually you will see successful output from them.

It can be a long road to the successful creation of a confident, penmanship-praiseworthy student. We all have to start somewhere. As parents, the biggest struggle for us may be remembering to be encouraging and affirmative as we see our children grow and change. Remember, the days can be long indeed, but the years pass swiftly. Celebrate your child’s small handwriting victories, and when you look back, the struggle will fade over time. Not long after one of my struggling handwriters graduated from college, he said, “Mom, thanks for not giving up on me, or giving in to me. You showed me I could do it. It just took me a long time to believe that for myself.” I pray it will be the same for you.

Have You Heard About Spelling You See?

Spelling You See is a different (not difficult!) spelling curriculum that provides the tools to help students develop confidence in spelling through an effective, engaging, low-stress learning experience that looks very different from most other spelling programs.

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